Stocking vs. Stalking

I think I made it clear last year, you know, the horrors of Santa Claus? Does "he sees you when your sleeping, he knows when you're awake" ring a bell? No? Well just turn around, he's there.

As if it wasn't creepy enough that he stalks you, then he has to go and break into your home; and through the chimney of all places! Couldn't he at least occupy the decency not to be creepy while he stalks us? But maybe I should give Santa the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he comes through the chimney to put out that fire you forgot to so that your house doesn't catch on fire. Or perhaps he doesn't want to walk around with muddy boots in your house. But if he came through the fireplace, wouldn't that make his boots all the dirtier? Everything about this just doesn't make sense. Saint my eye glasses! Get away from me you creeper!

Well, one thing I forgot to talk about last year are the horrors of Christmas Music. Take the 12 Days of Christmas for example: all those birds and leaping men! True love my eye glasses! Couldn't you have just stopped with the five golden rings? That's all I really want out of those things.

Do you see what I see? Um, this is a song, I can't see what you're talking about. Do you hear what I hear? Well, I might if you'd shut up and stop asking me these rhetorical questions. RE-pum-pum-pum-petitive. It would be a Silent Night if all these animals would stop talking, drummer boys would stop playing, and Bing Crosby would stop singing. And these are some of the best of the bizarre songs. Who came up with those reindeer and snowmen? Probably some prankster uncle teaching his nieces and nephews annoying songs that they ccould bug their mom and dad. Either him or K-Mart. Both are ridiculous to start traditions. However, that's probably how most traditions start.

But most Christmas songs are really good. Especially those who talk about one of the most incredible events ever to take place on the face of the earth. Thankfully, people still sing those songs too... right up next to Rudy and Bing. It is too bad they just sing it and don't know the truth. Just another Christmas song my eye glasses!

Not where I was planning on going with this post, but it happens. Haha. Merry Christmas!